-war in me-

I just don't understand! Is it me or is it all of you, in the wrong side. Hmm.. not much of a wrong side, maybe in the other side of the bridge which might or might not be relevant to you..

OK! It all started with me opening the refrigerator in my swimming pool aunties house. CLING! I caught the sight of the beer can while i was searching for the cheese cake. At that very moment nana passed by and just for FUN i asked nana, can i drink this( showing to the beer can). Nana's reaction: WHAT!!! CAN U KEEP THAT! And that's it i quickly put it back and done!

The next  moment i thought, trying out drinking is in my LIST right.. List is the whole lot of things i wrote down on all the stuff I would like to do or achieve before I go to god. For example, some of the stuff in my list are bungee jumping, climbing Mt Kinabalu, visting the 7 wonders of the world and etc etc etc. So, as we was sitting in the dinner table, i told nana, can i try drinking after im 21years old! This is the only question i asked which turned out to be my worst situation to ever be in! I expected the answer to be yes, why not, nothing wrong in drinking right. BUT! To my dissapointment the answer my dad gave was totally not what i expected it to be. He told no! YOU CAn't. I was like why? I am 21 and of course i will be matured to think for my self. So, what's wrong in trying? And then my uncle came, who is apparently a secondary school teacher. He came and started giving a lecture but i was be able to talk back to him. Them came my uncle, who is a lawyer! The uncle whom i fear the most in my life. No one dares, I don't dare to even look him in his eyes. My dad told him what i asked and he told yes, why not. I was like so dam happy! At least there is someone to support me but then his answer changed, he started giving me advise which last almost for an hour. But the thing im not satisfied is, there is a big big difference in trying and getting addicted. The examples they were giving me are so not relevant. One, they told look at the difference between a guy drinking and a girl drinking. What will the perception of the on lookers on them. Which person is most affected and looked down upon. BUT here what am i saying is trying! Which means just for ONE time, and that's it! And of course not in public!!!!! Next, uncle started on addiction. I WAS like WHAT!!! What is the use of self control and inner voice?!!? I am a baba devotee and I want to test myself, how much i can control! I will never get addicted. What more im a teacher to be and a person with self-discipline to say NO to unhealthy stuff. So addiction to alcoholic drinks is totally out of topic. Next, uncle started telling on turning my energy for all this stuff of things which is apparently negative to a positive( aiming high and studying). The point is who said im not aiming high? I am not studying? Of course i am, in fact all that are in my list. I really wanted to be in medical line, to be called Dr. BAgyashree but because of certain circumstances i am to be destined here in IPBA! But this will never stop me, im going to do my MBA and of course my PhD! In 10years time, call me Dr. BAgyashree. So isnt this my positive side. I didnt tell you all this? In fact i don't need to tell you. But to try drinking i am asking you because i know drinking is not good. The only thing is i want to try! Thats all. I am asking your permission, isnt that good enough? My dad is telling i embarassed him and spoiled my name in front of all my uncles, maybe that's kind of true but i just wanted to ask permission. Thats all, its your mistake to tell all my uncles. But anyway, i admit my mistake in asking this question there, and not at home! Maybe i shouldnt have done that. But now 'nasi sudah menjadi bubur'. There is no turning back..

Understand, different people have different dreams, different aims in life. No one in this world are same! I am a person who seek to try everything in this life! Even how risky it is. Not everyone have a dream to try out bungee jumping, but i do! And i see it as a way to try! Same goes to alcoholic drink, most spiciest food, climbing Mt Everest, take part in a reality show, publishing my own book and so forth! 

I don't know how to put all this together. I don't know why are there difference in thinking here, To say its a generation gap? Maybe.. To say different views? Maybe.. To say its parenting control.. hmm.. Maybe.. Real reasons is still unknown.. Anyone out there knows the reason why is there such a clash in thoughts please tell me!!!